A young lady I met once said to me, ‘What should I do? Where I will go? No one wants me. I have no option left now. My in-laws and my parents have abandoned my son and me. Sometimes, I feel like I am the culprit who gave birth to a boy who is just different from others. He cannot behave or talk like other children do. This is the reason my husband cited for deserting us.

My in-laws say that I am a bitch; that they cannot provide shelter to us. While, my parents tell me how I am a disgrace to the family because my husband has left me and how I better live in ‘my house’(my in-laws house) which was never really mine. Madam, am I the only one responsible for my son’s condition? How do we survive now? I am not very educated, nobody will give me a job. I see darkness all around me!’

Her son had been diagnosed with Autism.

Her entire life changed after this diagnosis. Everyone around her blamed her for her son’s condition, as if she willed it to him. No one, not even her own parents, left any stone unturned to make them feel unwanted and a burden. Apparently, it was her fault that she gave birth to a ‘pagal’. A ‘pagal’ with a superior IQ, excellent memory and high functioning autism.

Upon noticing unusual behavior, the child was sent to a psychologist. The psychologist noticed him to be very hyper, all he did was run around, spit and bite others. He kept repeating the abuses like ‘pagal’ and ‘gadhe’. Abuses, he heard on a daily basis. After a comprehensive assessment, the psychologist started working with him along with his mother.

As soon as he started getting an integrated need based intervention in a positive atmosphere, where he could be himself and do things like- laughing out loud, jumping, singing and playing, there was a shift in his being. He learned to express in his own ways. Yes, his way of expressing and communicating is different from others. He shares his feelings; he likes trains, trucks and can play with them for hours and hours.

One fine day he was playing with his train. While playing he started singing Kishor Kumar’s song ‘Ye Sham Mastani’ in such a melodious voice that everyone was amazed. No body taught him how to sing. Yet, he has a deep understanding of music and rhythms. He can sing Guru Wani without any break, which is very difficult to remember for even “NORMAL” people.

Today, after two years of intervention, this adorable boy is studying in class 4th in a convent school. He grasps concepts very easily. His command over language is commendable and he is looking forward to formal training in singing. Though, he cannot use a very flowery language to express his feelings, he can still feel, sense, express his immense love & gratitude towards his mother and his special educators by saying simple sentences like ‘wo bahut acchi hai’ , ‘mein aapko bhaut pyar karta hu’ or a warm hug when overwhelmed with love and affection. He understands everything that goes on around him.

As soon as his mother accepted him the way he was, she gathered the courage to reply to the stigma and labels around her. They are indeed fighting a battle of lifetime with utter grace and courage. Today, she proudly says that I have a lovable son who simply happens to have autism. If someone teases the kid – ‘ye pagal hai kya?’ He smiles and replies – ‘aye, mai pagal thodi hu!’.

This is not fiction, rather a true story. With the right assessment, a need-based intervention and most importantly ACCEPTANCE, not just one but two lives got transformed!

However, a mother is only but one person who interacts with the boy. His classmates still tease him. His grandfather still believes he can ‘cure’ the child by beating his senses out of him. His father doesn’t want to acknowledge his own child till date. The boy doesn’t remember the last time he had a loving conversation with his own father. His mother still doesn’t get the acceptance or support that she deserves and needs from either her parents or her in-laws. When asked about these individuals, the boy says things like ‘Wo mujhko acha nahi lagta, wo mujhe marta hai… mai alag hun na, is liye.’

When we sit back and think about it, is it really anyone’s fault? Is the mother actually to blame, or rather, the child? Don’t we say each child is unique? Then, even today, why do we struggle to accept an extremely affectionate, intelligent and gifted child only because he has Autism? Why is it that we respect and awe the famous but forget about a child we meet often, probably our own? What kind of stigma has filled a father with disgust for his own little child? Is it human to verbally torment someone day in and day out?

Then, I see the child smiling and singing despite the atmosphere created around him. Often, I see him accomplish things many ‘normal’ children his age would struggle to and feel hope. Hope that maybe he will outgrow the surrounding stigma and create a life for himself and his mother. Maybe his story will sensitize someone to be ACCEPTING and EMPATHETIC towards a person with AUTISM. Maybe a father will continue to love and believe in his child after the diagnosis; hopefully another mother will get the support she deserves.

AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER or ASPERGER’S Syndrome is just a nEuROdIVErSITy which seeks ACCEPTANCE & RESPECT not a CURE.